you've come a long way , baby!

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:35:01 -0500

i am half crazy 2day from trying 2 quit smoking! if i dont make sense 4give me! im using patches, i am 37 yrs old, n have smoked, habitually, since i was probably 15 or 16, but i dont remember b4 i started stealing butts outta the ash tray. i was that young, b4 i was in 1st grade i know i would smoke as much n as often as i could! i know this is not on topic, but its what im going thru right now n i needed 2 share.
thanks for wishing me well, its fucked up, n i am almost totally insane from it! my fucking head feels like i been awake all night, i think the patch i have on is outta juice! i am trying 2 wait the 24 hrs, 2 change it! i also have nicotine gum for the bad ones!i am doing it one min at a time 4 now! i smoked 1 yesterday around 10 a.m. i put the patch on after a shower, around 11, so at 10:00 i'll have 24!!!! its scary as hell! im feeling like i did when i quit the dope, like im losing something. the only thing im losing is the suicidal actions that i was taking on myself everyday, all day! God, dont let me gain weight, Please!!!!!

Just an update on my non-smoking journey!
I am ok, not great, but i havent had 1 in 3 whole days, working on 4 as we speak. about every 3 mins, it may b more than that, but im a little dramatic,(LOL), i have an almost overwhelming craving, that i feel in every part of my body. that happens w/the patch on or off. i know its gonna happen, n i know its gonna pass, thank God! i can do all things thru Christ!
I took my patch off this mornin b4 8:00. im gonna c how long i can go w/o it. i went from 9-1:30 yesterday. im gonna try 2 go longer 2 day! it is very hard, but just like giving up other things that ive had a physical dependency on, i know it'll get better w/time.
i have noticed, its all i wanna talk about. i really hope that passes!(LOL) i know it will, n i'll b glad when it does! im sure everyone around me will b glad 2!(LMAO) im being good 2 me by doing this, i have no doubt about that. it'll b worth it.
im afraid of getting fat too! ive battled w/my weight all my life. i am just getting over myself enuf that im ok with the way i look most of the time. i am scared of gaining weight, just had 2 say it!

today, is day 27!!!!! much much better!!!! i am not suicidal, or even homocidal. between that last little update n 2day, its really a wonder, that my best friend david is still among the living. i dont know why all my anger, was centered on him, but it was. i still want a cig, way more often, than i wish. it's about a couple times an hour now, instead of 5 times in 5 seconds, if not more, when i first started. i am proud of me. i love not smelling like a butt, or an asstray!!!! i like that i can still smell my body wash on my skin an hr after a bath, or my shampoo, when my hair gets in my face.

im very grateful!!!!

newmejft08's Blog @ NüHabits

you've come a long way , baby!