Just a note to say all is well.  I'm alcohol free and loving it.  What a difference

I'm back.  I didn't really go anywhere - except in my mind.  "she was gone for awhile, but she's back now."  I do not intend to slip again.  The truth really can set you free:  )  Here's the truth.  Alcohol is ethanol.  It really doesn't taste good.  The first drink that anyone ever takes never tastes good.  But once the effect is experienced, we are drawn subtly to repeat it.  We develop an "acquired taste" for it.  We are trained by society to plan to experience alcohol basically from childhood.  Some of us are able to use it sparingly maybe because we are very careful or focused or had or saw bad experiences or whatever.  Others are not.  It becomes a habit.  There is really not one good, truly good thing about it. And, it can devastate a life. 

There is a fabulous book called "The Easy Way to Quit Drinking" by Allen Carr.  I cannot recommend it enough.  It tells the absolute and whole truth about alcohol.  Reading it will help problem drinkers change their way of thinking where alcohol is concerned.  You have to read the whole book - don't skip around.  Don't quit until you finish the book.  You will be amazed. 

What's better than being free?  Nothing...

Not really so sure what to say about my situation.  My bad habits are tied together.  I don't really overeat unless I drink and it seems I really like my wine.  It really pisses me off that I have to quit drinking.  I mean, I can give up the hard stuff, but I really, reaaaaally love wine.  I'm a merlot/cabernet girl.  Love it.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I love the buzz.  But I do really love the taste of a good merlot....and the buzz.  Well, this is going nowhere, but then I've had four glasses of wine.  So, I'm buzzed journaling on my habit that I'm trying to get rid of that I really love/hate.  I'll read this tomorrow and hate myself completely.  See what I mean?  This is crazy pointless, whatever. 

I said all that to say this....I'm happy when I'm sober.  I have control over my diet when I'm sober, I exercise regularly when I'm sober. I sleep better when I'm sober...but I miss the damn wine when I'm sober. I know what to do (The EAsy Way to Quit Drinking. Allen Carr).  I've done it.  But I love the taste and experience of wine.  (It has reservetol!!!)  And, I love the buzz,  Like I said, Oy!  I wish there was a happy medium.

In November, I read the book, The Easy Way to Quit Drinking" by Allen Carr.  Excellent book.  By the time I finished it I had quit completely and it was so simple.  It changes your thinking/perceptions about alcohol and your relationship to it.  Unfortunately, I started dabbling with it again after a visit with family members whom we usually party with.  At first, it seemed like no big deal and I only had a bit of wine once a week or so.  In the last two weeks it has been almost every day.  I have gained 10 of the 20 pounds I lost back and don't feel nearly as good as I did when I was totally sober. 

So, tomorrow is my birthday.  I've decided to give myself the gift of freedom from ethanol for my birthday.  I picked up the Easy Way book again and am reminding myself how miserable I was before I quit the last time.  New habits/Nuhabits - here I come!!

By the way, I recommend that book highly.  It is really amazing.  You don't quit drinking until you finish the book.  I was ready to quit completely 3 chapters before the end and actually did.  It is excellent.